Overcoming And Battling Financial Abuse | Ep 246

RachAel Partleton

Video Highlights from Today's Show

Video 1: Pay Attention to Your Instincts

Video 2: Financial Abuse, and How it Happened

What You'll Get Out Of Today's Show

  • What happens when someone is using your finances to prevent you from making decisions that are in your own best interest? What does financial abuse look like and can you reclaim your financial life? Rachael shares her story and how she's become passionate about economic empowerment.
  • Although she had a successful career and what appeared to be a healthy relationship from the outside, Rachael found herself in a relationship with someone who walked all over her.
  • Slowly over time, Rachael's boyfriend began chipping away at her confidence and inserting himself into her finances, putting his name on all of the bills, linking bank accounts, opening joint accounts, and pushing to have his name on the mortgage to the property she had purchased on her own.
  • Your instincts and feelings are worth paying attention to. Had Rachael explored her feelings more, she believes she would have listened to them better. Not knowing what's happening with your bills or financial accounts is a red flag. Sharing accounts is only good when both people are acting in good faith.
  • The drive to take over control finances may start as a result of insecurity in the relationship, but it can take a turn and be used against the other person as a form of punishment.
  • Rachael describes financial abuse as a psychological assault where your trust is so broken that it can damage the relationship you have with yourself. If you aren't making decisions willingly and freely, you are giving up bits of your power and it's then a slippery slope to giving away too much.
  • There's nothing inherently wrong about merging finances but there's needs to be a conversation it.
  • After 10 years, the relationship ended, Rachael found herself in a legal battle over the property, was experiencing PTSD and unable to do her job.
  • The systemic assault she experienced during the relationship and in its aftermath destroyed her trust in society. All the business, government, legal, and social systems she sought help from had failed her.
  • The bright light in her experience is that Rachael has now become an agent of change to have new laws passed in the UK to help other victims of financial abuse.
  • Learning to tell her story and fight for herself was incredibly difficult, but also a skill-building endeavor. She channeled her anger, found her voice, and learned how to speak clearly and with confidence.
  • Always a fan of journaling and understanding the power of words, Rachael started a blog as an unfiltered outlet for her feelings. The positive feedback she received from family and friends also helped build her confidence.
  • Not wanting to return to teaching, Rachael attended one of Alan Donegan's PopUp Business Schools to possibly become a personal fitness trainer. When hearing about using your experiences to build an authentic business, Rachael realized she wanted to help other victims of financial abuse.
  • Rachael wants to become a consultant to banks, housing associations, and lawyers and tell them what they need to do to stop financial abuse from happening, protecting both themselves and their customers.

Resources Mentioned In Today's Conversation

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    6 thoughts on “Overcoming And Battling Financial Abuse | Ep 246”

    1. This was a great episode! Thanks for put spotlight on financial abuse which is an issue not really known to many people.

    2. I just finished listening to your financial abuse episode. I found it disturbing on many levels. It disturbing that a bright woman, like your guest, could find herself in such a difficult circumstance. I also found it cringeworthy that someone should propose laws seeking to void non- fraudulent transfers or conveyances. Furthermore, placing responsibility upon financial institutions to determine intent is insane. Large banks are fined billion each year for fraudulent and deceptive practices on their own. They can’t manage people and procedures let alone their customers.

      I am a retired bankruptcy, finance and real estate attorney currently keeping busy as a licensed Investment/commercial real estate broker. I have a unique skill set and still enjoy working when I feel like it.

      I could tell you stories about unmarried couples breaking up. Really is there evidence of fraud. Most of the time individuals make bad decisions that compound. Usually the “abuse” tends to be one party or both Parties using finances to hurt each other emotionally. Alternatively, “abuse” is one party looking out for themselves. They feel the need to protect themselves and get remunerated for the ten years they spent together.

      There are laws that currently protect couples upon separation. They are marital laws. While not perfect at least there is a pathway through the mess. Unmarried couples don’t have those protections. Each time a couple separate they must blaze a new trail unless they can agree on an outcome. I could agree there is a need for a few laws mapping the way for unmarried couples, although I am not sure exactly what they should be I haven’t thought about because I say mainly the bankruptcy side of a breakup and not the high asset side.

      There is sooooooo much more in this episode that felt like chalk scratching a blackboard that I am not going try and explain. I could write for hours. May I suggest you do an episode or two on good decision making and business practices for married and unmarried couples. I would fell better after the last episode.

    3. David Johnson you clearly have never been financially abused. Speaking from experience, even married couples aren’t “protected”. As soon as you sign joint tax returns or file for bankruptcy, you are declaring you know what your finances are/were and a judge is hard pressed to even consider allowing a financial abuse claim in a divorce trial going back years.

      Your reply was very self-centered and lacked empathy.

    4. This was a great episode and handled with grace and sensitivity despite its heavy nature.

      I don’t know if Jonathan has some in-built instincts, but his repeated battle with the word “ombudsman” (which is a Norwegian/Scandinavian word – how did it make its way into the UK?) made me laugh at times where it might have been more fitting to cry. It lightened the episode in a way that was very welcome, without taking anything away from the conversation.

    5. Wow, this was deep. There is so much more to being financially independent than just earning more and/or saving more. This goes to the heart of the struggle for independence.

      Rachel, congratulations for overcoming and sharing your story. You are a hero.

    6. I loved this episode! This is real life and bad stuff happens. There are bad people out there. Thank you for going there. I love ChooseFI and think you need to keep showing all sides of peoples’ financial lives. Her description of trying to learn to trust the world again hits me hard as my divorce was so painful and all systems worked against me. I get it. Keep up the reality, guys. I want to hear more from people like her. She is truly a financial hero.

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